she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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