i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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