Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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