her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
