You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
