Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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