i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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