fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
