census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
