Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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