everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
