I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
