So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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