I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
