I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
