i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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