I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
