I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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