when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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