What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
