walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
