her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
