yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
