if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How does it feel to date your dad?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
