I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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