It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
