I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
