he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
