I'm going to jail i love you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
