It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
