i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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