she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
