Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
