You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
