I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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