When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
