i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
