Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
