That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
