remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
