5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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