my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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