I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
