DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
