ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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