some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
