Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
