His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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