I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
