xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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