so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
