just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
