im six kinds of drunk right now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
