yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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