John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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