her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
