OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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